One of the strange things about living under occupation is you keep thinking you are in the worst situation ever. But yet, day after day, year after year, you are proven to be very wrong. Things do get worse, and much much worse than you could have imagined.

Living in Beit Sahour – the traditional "Shepherds Field" town adjacent to Bethlehem, and working at the YWCA in Jerusalem, I have to cross the checkpoint everyday twice, there and back. I have been doing this for almost five years now on a daily basis.A few years ago, there were checkpoints –not yet sophisticated "terminals"; you waited in line, you got through after your documents were checked (no one is allowed through without a special permit issued by the Israeli authorities), it took an average of half an hour. You didn't need to be checked when going back home as you just drove right through. We used to think it was really bad and hoped for better conditions. Now we look back at those days and think "Ah! The good old days!"

Crossing the terminal has been a constant challenge this whole week. Everyday it took at least an hour just to go through from one door to the other. Hundreds of people standing in line, fighting, yelling, soldiers cursing, you get squeezed, you stand, you sit, waiting for a chance to get in. But today was the worst. I will be careful and say the worst of the weekdays so far because I am sure we will get worse days in the near future. I have learned my lesson!

After waiting in line outside in the sun for half an hour, just attempting to get into the terminal, we gave up. The door was closed and no one was going in or out, so we went back down to the street. Rumours were that someone had fainted inside (not surprising with all the crowds) and that they were calling an ambulance. We waited in the street for another fifteen minutes and then decided to try again. Sure enough, the outside gate was open but inside there were still hundreds squeezing in line.

Suddenly, the loudspeaker announced "Ma'var Sagur" meaning, "terminal closed" in Hebrew. Just a few people were desperate enough to leave, but we stayed – we are persistent! After all, every one of us has a very good reason to go to Jerusalem; otherwise we won't take the daily struggle and humiliation to get through. We all have jobs to get to, or hospitals and doctor appointments. It seems the soldier thought we didn't understand what she said since we didn't move, so she tried to explain in her broken Arabic "No terminal" she said, "Go home". Still, we stood there and waited.

Another half an hour passed, before they started letting people in very slowly. It turns out someone had a heart attack (no surprise, I believe that we; the crowds crossing the terminal everyday are the most vulnerable group to heart attacks) and was lying there and they were trying to figure out what to do with him. It seems they did call an ambulance, but maybe they needed his fingerprints first to make sure he is who he claims to be and not a potential terrorist.

I got out, around 9am (had been at the checkpoint since 7:30). As usual no busses were at the station. I walked until I managed to get on a bus that ended up loading double its capacity before starting on the way to Jerusalem. That was not all! A little before reaching the old city of Jerusalem, we were stopped by a flying checkpoint for ID and permit inspection. I finally made it to work a little before 10am. Two and a half hours wasted just to get through an 8 miles distance from home to work.

What really saddens me though is that I don't get frustrated anymore. I am just tired. I remember the first time I was denied entry at the checkpoint. I was boiling with rage; I yelled, I burst in to tears; I screamed and fought for my right to go. Now, I don't care anymore. Maybe in time, with constant oppression, you forget that you once had dignity. You are so drained that you can't build up enough energy to merely get angry! All I know is that I am very tired of this and don't think I can do this much longer.

Related Links

Call to End Israeli Siege Over Gaza